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2.23.2005

oh yeah, i forgot. 150 bpm.

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i had my baby doctor appointment today. the baby doctor was not there! i am so totally psychic. i saw a nurse-practitioner instead, and we got to hear that tiny little heartbeat. it was like horse hooves, and also kind of like that heart song, barracuda. (i so love heart and i don't care who knows. my favorite heart song though is straight on, not barracuda.)

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2.21.2005

this is just one of the many trials i endure at work. i hate listening to recordings of my own voice. it's so freaking grating. how can it be so small and yet so annoying? people have this habit around here of listening to their messages on speakerphone. why would you do that? what if i start swearing at you or something? i never do that unless nobody's around. anyway, whenever someone in a near-by office (or an office i just happen to be walking past) listens to a voicemail from me, i just wanna puke. know what i mean?

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2.17.2005

okay. i am not psychic, i don't have esp, i don't know what people are thinking, even when they try to tell me. but i totally had a premonition this morning.

i've been all excitedly anticipating my next bubble appointment (wed 2/23) because we get to hear the heartbeat. brian is all mental over this too. anyway, i was in the bathroom at work when i first got here today, and this little scene played out in my head where i was like "i have a 9:15 appointment with nancy and a 10:00 appointment with dr. stank." (yes, my doctor's last name is really, truly STANK). the receptionist was like "dr. stank isn't here this morning. do you want to reschedule or see someone else?" i was like "well i already took 1/2 day off. i don't want to come back another day." plus i still had the appointment with nancy, it was already 9 and i usually work at 8, etc. this mental movie lasted all of 3 seconds. anyway, walking out of the bathroom i was thinking, that was the stupidest [thought/daydream/whatever it was] ever. why would a doctor not be there when she has appointments?

so then just now, at the end of the day, i was in the bathroom again (for the millionth time) and the thought struck me. duh! she's a baby doctor. she could be out delivering someone else's baby. now i'll just have to wait and see what happens on wednesday. wouldn't that be freaky if it really happened?

in other news, as of tomorrow our internet service will be routed through headquarters. this means no more office fun time for me. oh well, it will just motivate me to get that dsl hooked up at home. i've already been paying for it for a couple of months. i might as well use it.

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2.16.2005

i had a really lovely evening! i stopped at the co-op, mostly for fruit and veggies but i also had to get a couple treats. i was really happy to run into tricia. i felt especially lucky since she usually is in the freezer the whole time she's working. i finally got her new address and phone number.

then when i was leaving, i found out just how lucky it really was that i saw her and talked to her. it delayed my shopping just enough so that on my way out, i ran into chris and catherine on their way in. i was so excited. they also just got a new puppy, so we compared notes quickly and then said goodbye so they could finish shopping and release their pup from "prison" as they called it. oh yeah, i was excited to tell them about baby bubble - i thought they might have already heard from stephanie or some other way - and chris was excited to tell me he has successfully evaded pregnancy, and even gave me the side view of his tummy.

i got home, at dinner, and paul came over. i hung out with the boys for a little bit, but by 7 i escaped to read in bed. my current book is ina may's guide to childbirth and next i'm going to get her book spiritual midwifery. i was at the store for that one when i saw this other one and got distracted because it has birth stories in it, which i'm addicted to, and then later i found out spiritual midwifery has birth stories too. i'm labor- and birth-obsessed. every birth story i read, i imagine my own experience like that. so i've imagined it like a million ways - 4 days, or 4 hours, really sucky and really awesome, at home, at the hospital, on the side of the road, etc. i think it's good because it helps me let go of my own ideas of what i want it to be like and what i think it should be like, because the stories are all so different. uh-oh, i'm rambling about baby stuff again. time to stop.

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2.15.2005

you know what, if nobody's gonna respond to me, i'm just going to write this stuff on post-it notes and plaster my work cubby with them. once in a while, i'll email a special gem to nick, my only e-friend.
(okay, i might be crabby because my valid concerns at work today were dismissed as "paranoia" and this problem we are dealing with is supposedly "not an issue," but i'm still getting bored here. i need some ATTENTION because i'm needy like that. isn't that what blogging is all about? um that was supposed to be a joke. kind of.)

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how come people can still think olive garden salad is so great when it's just regular yucky lettuce? nothing fancy here, people. just iceberg lettuce and dressing that's probably made with corn syrup. the breadsticks suck too.

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2.14.2005

my special guy is home! i didn't even know how much i missed him, but i really did.

i can't go into the details of my weekend because it was too busy and too much fun. the highlights:
1. maya! she is really good at snuggling and smiling
2. mama! she is really good at snuggling and shopping
3. got to see brian (uh, and pedro the lion & low) saturday night
4. sunday i went to saver's with v-nick & starfire and found that bright stripey sweater from the gap from like 4 years ago. i had to get it, since i bought the baby one at goodwill 3-for-a-dollar a long time ago too - who can resist matching mommy-baby sweaters?!

brian and i are taking it easy tonight - no cheesy valentine's day plans for us. we already watched his sister get married (along with 12 other couples). that was enough love for one day.

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2.10.2005

okay, now i feel i have to explain my previous parenthetical statement about how the photos were taken 7-10 days after conception. the day i went up to my grandparents' house in two harbors was the day of the diorama-rama. it was a really busy day. i spray-painted our box in the basement and made myself all dizzy and gross-feeling. as soon as our diorama was done, i visited brian at work for like two seconds, dropped off our diorama, and headed out of town. when i got to the way east end of london road, i guess i thought it would be a good idea to get stoned and take a bunch of pictures of nothing WHILE DRIVING. pretty reckless, considering it was that time of day when it's not dark out but not light either, when deer like to run in front of your car. i was stressed, okay? end of the semester and everything . . . just don't tell brian.

anyway, a few weeks after i found out i was pregnant, i started wondering, was that before or after bratty baby bubble decided to ignore my "99+% effective" birth control? obviously i wasn't too obsessed or i could have figured out the date of the diorama by looking back at pdd stuff - i just couldn't remember. so when i posted those pictures, i realized i would have that sleepover written on my calendar. it was dec 11-12, not 10-11 (i got confused). so finally, just today, i figured out baby bubble already existed while i was depriving my brain of oxygen all for the sake of a gout-themed diorama, but it was before implantation so BIG sigh of relief there. bubble will not be a paint huffer. or at least it won't be my fault.

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i took these pictures on the way to & from two harbors december 10 & 11. (about 7-10 days after conception, if anyone wanted to know.) Posted by Hello

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2.08.2005

brian's sister called me today and told me she's getting married monday (valentine's day!). she entered some contest on the radio. she and josh will get married, with something like 10 other couples, at the edgewater monday morning. they get breakfast, flowers, a tux, and lunch, and i can't remember what else. so today she has to get the license and get a dress. i don't know what she's doing about a photographer. it's so crazy! i want to go dress shopping with her and kim tonight, but i have the little puppy dog to take care of. i can't leave him in his kennel for basically 24 hours, only coming out to eat, poop and pee. he needs exercise and snuggle time. amy was sad because she thought brian wouldn't be home yet from his trip, but it's the day after he gets back. i just don't even know what to think!


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i just realized today that of our four families, i didn't get to tell anybody i was having a baby.

we have my mom's side, my dad's side, brian's family, and the gallets.

i called my mom the morning after i took my test. i wasn't going to tell her yet, because i knew we might have problems (past all that now! everything's okay). i hadn't even been to the doctor yet (that was later that same morning). pat convinced me i should call her, because if something went wrong and i needed my mommy, it would be better if she knew about it before-hand. i told my mom i wanted to talk to her but it had to be a secret, and she was like "you're having a baby?!" oh, mom. (pat, my boss, is the one who suggested i might be pregnant in the first place - that's why she knew before anyone else.)

then we went to brian's family's house for christmas eve. before we left the house, he said he didn't want to tell them yet (we had known less than a week, but felt pretty sure things were going to be okay). so after spending like 2 hours with brian's mom, sister, niece & sister's fiance, we were about to leave. we're standing in the kitchen getting our coats on, and brian just tells them! sneaky! so that kind of counts because at least they didn't guess, but i didn't get to say it.

from there we went to the gallet's house. brian had told me ahead of time that he really wanted to tell them that night since the girls (his "sisters") were home. it was us, all five gallets, and father jerry. the gallets offered me wine, fish, etc, and i kept coming up with reasons i couldn't have any. they also kept talking about baby crap! mary's cravings with each girl, what their fetal names were, etc. i couldn't believe brian hadn't said anything yet - he had so many perfect opportunities. finally he goes, "marisa and i have some exciting news," and bj yells "baby!" she shot her fists in the air as she yelled it, like she was watching a football game or something. it was wild.

the next day, christmas day, we were going to tell my dad and his wife. this one half-counts too. it was really hard not to tell my dad earlier as i kept seeing him at work and it was all i could think about. i saw him right when i got back from the doctor tuesday, we talked on wednesday about whether i wanted a puppy yet, then we were off thursday and friday for christmas. now it was saturday. finally they got to my grandparents' house, and i casually got brian, dad, lindsey and me to all be in the same area as fast as possible after they got there because i couldn't contain myself. since i had seen how clever all those baby guessers were, i decided not to set it up or anything, i just said "we're having a baby!" my dad was like "who is?" and i was like "us!" there were about thirty people all over my grandparents' house, and quite a few within ear shot. he asked if everyone already knew, and i was like "no, that would be so mean! nobody knows." he wanted me to tell everyone, and i was like you can. so he said "hey everyone, marisa and brian have something to say." my grandma says, just like she's telling somebody it's raining out or something, "you're having a baby."

maybe that's why, when i realized that night at luce that brian was telling all our friends faster than i could blink, i started running up to anyone i knew, yelling "i'm pregnant!" i must have seemed totally manic.



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this is my puppy his first night at home, when he was soooooo little. Posted by Hello

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god these pictures are tricky. i don't understand how it works at all. this is my little puppy, standing next to an envelope he shredded. he loves paper, especially paper bags. anyone can visit him any time. except after like 8 pm because i get sleepy.

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grr Posted by Hello

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woof Posted by Hello

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2.03.2005

let me tell you, these hormones are SO RIDICULOUS.

yesterday i almost started crying while watching mister rogers. you know how sometimes he looks into the camera and sings? well he was doing that and i was just like "gee, mister rogers is trying so hard to make kids feel like they're okay," and i seriously almost started crying. just so you can all see how lame it really was, i found the lyrics to the song he was singing. here ya go:

Then Your Heart is Full of Love
Lyrics: Josie Carey Franz
Music: Fred M. Rogers
© 1984 Fred M. Rogers

When your heart has butterflies inside it,
Then your heart is full of love.
When your heart feels just like overflowing,
Then your heart is full of love.

Love is fragile as your tears.
Love is stronger than your fears.

When your heart can sing another's gladness,
Then your heart is full of love.
When your heart can cry another's sadness,
Then your heart is full of love.

Love is fragile as your tears.
Love is stronger than your fears.

When your heart beats for a special someone,
Then your heart is full of love.
When your heart has room for everybody,
Then your heart is full of love.

yeah, while looking for that, i discovered i can order a complete fred rogers songbook. i'm considering it. he's an awesome pianist, man.

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perkins macaroni and cheese tastes just like school cafeteria macaroni and cheese.

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yesterday i was sent home early from work because of paint fumes. i smelled it in the hallway and ran into the office and shut the door. i thought that was good enough. pat (my boss) thought it was too awful, and she made me hurry up and finish my work (she did some of it!) so i could leave right away, 45 minutes early. i really didn't think it was that big of a deal, although when i got outside i noticed i did have a headache already. but maybe that was from running through the building holding my breath (it really smelled awful - it was worse than normal paint). anyway, then last night i was reading my sister-in-law's copy of fit pregnancy (she gave me a whole stack of them) and just happened to run across an article on workplace hazards. paint fumes can cause miscarriage and birth defects. grody! i really thought pat was overreacting, but i guess not. does this mean i have to listen to her when she scolds me every day for not wearing boots?

(p.s. it was an oil-based paint in a room without windows. i think it will be okay for me to paint the house this summer, with latex-based paint and the windows open. maybe?)

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