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10.29.2004

my dad has to sleep at the hospital until sunday or monday, but he's pretty much okay. he has a clotty vein. this is nothing new - he claims he just has a tendency toward blood clots and his legs get all swolly from exertion, but he also knows it's really made much worse by his smoking. he hasn't had a cigarette since wednesday afternoon, which i think is cool.

last night i brought him a book (tortilla flat) and a magazine (ready made), and he talked to me forever. he doesn't feel too bad, so he's bored. we both (coincidentally) read this book as teenagers, papillon, which i thought i remembered really well, but i don't remember the part he was talking about. he described this trick of wrapping a blanket around your head to cut off the oxygen so you can remember something really vividly - or actually relive it, not just remember it, my dad says. he told me he tried this a couple of times in his early twenties, probably after my brother was born but before i was. he said it was really amazing but way too freaky, because he had no control over what 10 minutes of his life he was going to relive, and he said it was every sound, sight, smell - the way it physically and emotionally felt, everything. now i want to go back and read that part of that book so i know what he was talking about or if he's crazy.

this morning i brought him my headphones and a pile of cds. we talked for a bit but i had to work, so i left when the nurse came in to check his leg. the clot runs from the top of his thigh all the way to his ankle. i'll get to see him plenty this weekend too, since justin and amy are bringing maya to town. maya had her one-month pictures taken yesterday. oh, and i met cyrus yesterday at the bookstore. he's funny and beautiful, but no one can compete with maya. he can be the best baby boy, but she's just absolutely the best baby.

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10.28.2004

okay, i've been on this big antibrighteyes kick for a year or so now. i guess it really has had more to do with all the creepy 15-year-old girls obsessively writing "mrs. conor oberst" in their composition notebooks (you know those black-and-white marbled ones with the black spines) than anything against brighteyes, although i wasn't crazy about that last album. anyway, change of heart. this new song "true blue" makes me so happy, i could listen to it all day. i guess i will be, in my head.

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10.25.2004

okay, i've always had a problem with cover bands, but it's really not very nice. i mean, it's so much fun to belt out someone else's songs in the car. why should i judge cover bands as being less creative or having less to offer? it's not as creative - that's my big hang-up with it. and i also think, "oh, anyone could do that." but some of my favorite songs to listen to are covers. like, i feel guilty about this, but i get really bummed out when i find out that a song i love is a cover, like i'm being mean to the band for loving their version of someone else's song more than i love their own song. but, okay - "i'm so excited" on the new le tigre - oh my god! it makes me so excited! that's the real power of a cover, to make you love a song you otherwise would think is stupid. my all-time favorite cover, the king of covers, is - oh wait! no, i'm not gonna tell. i want to know everyone else's and see if we get a match.

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10.20.2004

gouty sandwiches! these are some gout-curing recipes i invented. you must use white bread because gout doesn't like whole wheat.

sweet-and-sour grilled cheese:
dried sour cherries from the wfc bulk aisle and yummy cheese. i recommend dill havarti or provolone. this is so good you will die.

fancy monkey:
this is the same as peanut-butter-and-banana, only you use almond butter instead. so much yummier. it makes you want to search for insects in your special person's fur.

hot date:
this one has not been tested because brian isn't interested. i want to somehow combine dates and jalapenos, either in a sandwich or a quesadilla. any suggestions?

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10.15.2004

i got this game wednesday at the goodwill called tell it like it is . . . the ungame! but i couldn't resist it mostly because it's the "spiritual version" specially endorsed by doctor james dobson. it's non-competitive and approved for ages 5 to 105. basically, you take turns drawing cards with questions on them, and you tell the group your answer. there are three decks. on the box, the different sets of questions are called adult, child, and spiritual but in the box they're actually labeled deep understanding, light-hearted and christian belief. the box is all seventies-looking and corny, and i thought i would mail these dorky cards to people for their birthdays and stuff, but . . . the questions are actually really, really good. i wanna play it every day.

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10.13.2004

last night i went to absolutely the worst party ever.

we were sitting on the livingroom floor playing skip-bo when the phone rang. at first i thought it was an obscene phone call, but it was just marc gartman being weird. he asked brian if he could be at the mac in a half hour to play an after-party for the crash test dummies, who were wrapping up shooting a video at sacred heart. we thought this was hilarious. i hauled brian and all his crap over there. we sat there for a couple of hours with hans and justin. marc and alan made appearances as well. basically nothing happened. they set up. they tore down. we went home. now, it's not that i was really excited about the crash test dummies. i was excited about skip-bo. damn you, crash test dummies! damn you! mmm mmm mmm mmm!

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10.11.2004

i can't control myself from only a few more. and if you went to one of these, i want to hear about it.

late winter 2003 (so early 2003 if you think about it) in the movie part of the norshor. it was chairkickers night, with kid dakota & winter blanket, the only time i've seen either of them. zak wasn't there. haley sang with mim on point of disgust, and alan played the piano. starfire waved at me, a tiny wave right up by the side of his face like a toddler. i was really excited about that, especially since i had recently punched him in the arm at the d4 show. what can i say? he was dressed in an ape suit and he humped brian's leg on stage (with the lindquists or whatever their name was). i thought he was liz zissos inside that crazy outfit. but that was a different show, sorry. i'm getting overly excited.

that summer, right before they went on tour, i got to see them at spirit of the north theater. it must have been in the middle of the summer, pre-vegan era, because shanna and i went to get ice cream from portland. we saw paul walking toward fitgers and captured him. he insisted we hurry up, even though we wanted to eat our treats outside, because he was really worried we wouldn't get tickets. starfire distributed pdd flyers. carla shickle (don't know if i'm spelling that right) played keyboards and sang sometimes. i loved that show. everything felt really wonderful.

the next show i can think of was starfire's dental bill benefit at sacred heart. i think it was the first week of november 2003 because we were moving from patrick's house to our apartment downtown. brian didn't come with - i think he had to program for an upcoming show of ours or something. i asked my dad to meet me there but we never saw each other. i got there in the middle of haley's set, and i cowered behind a pillar. when she finished, i ran over to two of the livingstons and whimpered that i was all alone. they let me sit with them on a chair they were saving for anna. the third livingston was playing organ for low (the felgemaker!). alan was supposed to bring a record brian wanted to send to dani. i ran up to him when they were done, to ask for it. i was really mortified. i knew people thought i just wanted to go say "i love you" or something stupid, but brian had asked me to do it before i left, and i thought i might not get another chance to. he didn't have it with him and i felt silly. but i'm getting ahead of myself - that show was the first time i remembered hearing them play "starfire" and then they made him come up on stage to receive one of those sippy-straw beer hats. he looked awesome in it.

so now the venues start to overlap - that's not as fun. i won't continue but i want to hear other people's stories.

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10.08.2004

i could see low a million times. i know this is obnoxious but you don't have to read it.

the first time i saw them was at the amazing grace, summer (july or probably august) 2000. i remember what i was wearing. i was terrified. i stood all the way in back. i really liked it that people brought their kids. shannon wright played before them, and i bought a cd from her. even that was scary. maybe because she looked like a psychotic clown in a gingham shirt with her hair in pigtails and lipstick smeared all over her mouth. low played songs from 'things we lost in the fire' and took a lot of requests. they also talked about singing to their baby. the place was really packed. um, they passed out bubble wrap for everyone to pop only during this one part of this one song but some people couldn't control themselves from popping it other times. now, that seems like something i would have saved. i do not have it.

the next time i saw them was may of the following year - homegrown 2001, downstairs norshor "warming up" for bone appetit. i think zak was not there. i figured they played so early because they wanted to get home, but i saw both al and mim in the red lion around midnight, if you can believe that.

then nothing for a while. i think the next time was the cd release party for trust - september (or very early october) 2002 at sacred heart. that was amazing. i had already heard the album because brian made a tape of the promo cd at the fetus, so i already knew i was going to love it. i was too afraid to eat the cookies. why? oh, that was also really fun to me because we lived at 4th & 4th west (a real shithole - we only lived there for about 6 weeks) so we got to walk over. the walk was cool, dark and beautiful. it was the first time i had been in sacred heart.

oh boy i would like to briefly disclose the bare details of a few others but i just can't right now because i'm at work.



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10.04.2004

okay, this was a funny thing that happened and made me realize not everyone is an ass. first, i may have already disclosed that my coworkers call my forester a "lesbian car" and have many related nicknames for it. second, the restaurant of many names (chester creek cafe, taryn's market, sarah's table or at sarah's table) is called, by some of my coworkers, the "lesbian restaurant." those two facts are required to understand the story.

sam and i had breakfast together yesterday, before i went to see maya. sam pretends to be mortified by the loud honk of my car when i unlock it (or lock it), so when we were walking out to the car i said, "ready?" and then unlocked it. i heard a giggle behind us right after i did that. as i was about to look over my shoulder i thought something along the lines of "it's probably some brainless sorostitute with her jock umd boyfriend laughing about the two of us girls walking from the lesbian restaurant to the lesbian car." well, no. it was two other girls also walking from chester creek cafe to their forester. that made me happy. i don't know why.

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yesterday i visited the bacons and held maya jame. she is the coolest baby on earth. i can't wait til she can talk. she might visit me the very last weekend of this month.

friday night at the mac was so beautiful. crew jones totally killed me. it made me really emotional, but it all came out as laughter. then the housing project had me so freaked out that sometimes i had to just try to not even pay attention. i may have smoked in the bathroom. i felt like such a teenager. it was awesome.

every time i'm in that bathroom, i think of the other times i've been in there. not the mac, just the bathroom. like, i especially think of the found party. that was a day of overwhelming emotions too -
the peace and warmth of waking up in the same room as my brother
the humiliation of standing next to my stepdad while he was super rude to a girl at a coffee stand
the flat-out bawling on the plane ride home after too many days of bliss
the awkward waiting for my ride home from the airport
the excitement when paul & sam got there
the shock of being home again
the rush to get food ready for the pot luck
the relief of seeing brian again when i ran in to his work
the giddyness before the found fun got underway
the spaz attacks of laughter once it got started
the timid/brave combo of giving davy my finds
and through all that the seams of my tee shirt rubbed on my sunburned shoulders like cheese graters.

none of that stuff happened friday, but that's what i felt like all over, plus probably other things for other reasons.

i can't wait until next sunday, maya's shower. i hope i can finish the blanket i'm knitting her by then.

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